A Diamond in the Morgue

Stop her!! She's eating her ancestors!

Yesterday I was visiting my favorite people in the world, the Carrolls. They are, truly, the most wonderful people on the whole planet. There's no need for a competition. They are the clear winners. And they taught me something new:

You can now have your dead body turned into a diamond.
http://www.lifegem.com/ (Proof)

Yes. You can have your ashes squished until BAM your hair, bones, old lady arms, cankles and all are turned into a diamond! I'm sure there's a more scientific way of putting it but...how scary is that? Imagine:

There you are, being all beautiful and wonderful and virginesque and what-not and your boyfriend gets down on one knee, proposes and gives you a beautiful ring and says

"This was my mother."
"Oh! This was your mother's?!"
"No. This diamond was my mother. We smashed her corpse and turned her into this diamond. And now you get to wear it forever and ever!"
"Gee Anderson (that's right. I'm marrying Anderson Cooper. Get over it.) I've always dreamed  of wearing your mother in the shower, when I'm sleeping and during our honeymoon. How ever did you know?!"

Ewwww.

Anderson's face when I explain why I don't want to wear his mother. Somehow the awkward confrontation has a very sexy result

And then, of course, came the inevitable conversation of what my mom, and Shonnie (her best friend and college roommate) wanted their funerals to be like. Judging by their elaborate plans, we are going to have to turn them both into diamonds and sell them just so we can afford the parties. Which is a shame because wouldn't it just be lovely to have a diamond bracelet made of all the people you love?

I now call them "My Little Diamonds". They don't appreciate it.

You could pass it down the family line and compare. Perhaps some diamonds will be bigger than others? Maybe some will be more sparkly, or tinted with pink or filled with traces of cocaine. I don't know. I'm not an expert on these things.

<3 Kate

Once Upon a Time.......

This Kayla not Kate....sadly.  Kate is fantastic at blogging I have no idea where her inspiration comes from, sometimes I hope it's me...hem hem.  Anyways I have come to tell you all a fantastic story filled with terror, tears, and tremendous exertion. 

Once upon a time there was an EFY counselor named let's say Kayler.  She loved her job greatly.  On June 27th a whirl of pain hit her.  However, this pain was not her own.  It belonged to a wonderful girl named a name that I will not write.  It is that sacred in the health history of EFY.  Not knowing that she was entering a never ending cycle of this pain Kayler willingly accommodated the ills and wills of this hypochondriac child.  The knights of this story were the helpful health counselors.  They are named Laurie the True and Eric the Brave aka "the man with the pills".  Here is a list of the ailments starting day one along with a small description.

Monday:

Migraine-understandable the first day always gives Kayler a migraine as well
Allergies-also understandable considering Kayler could relate with her own deathly allergies

You probably think I'm crazy right now...allergies and a migraine how bad could that be.....oh my friends the story continues.

Tuesday:

Cold-Apparently the allergies have progressed to cold which quickly progresses too......
Strep Throat-which kills according to a very reliable source so if you have allergies you most likely will develop a cold which then turns into a deathly case of strep.
Paper Cut- this quote "gruesome" malady occurred during banner prep.  Also the bleeding will not stop especially when you squeeze the finger to make sure blood will drip. 
P.S.-don't tell so called child they will have to cut off their finger they will believe you

P.P.S.-I was quite disturbed by how many people post pictures of their paper cuts on the internet.  This was very easy to find....

Wednesday:
Appendicitus: this occurred because another child had developed symptoms for this and was taken to the hospital.  Hearing this bad news Kayler's child automatically assumed she had concocted these symptoms as well.  She begged the knights in shining armor to take her to the hospital.  Luckily, they said no.
Sprained Ankle: Games Night requires a lot of physical exertion.  Kayler not knowing a different child had a heart problem watched in horror as one of her kiddies was taken away to Primaries.  Hypochondriac child watched as Larry (name has been changed) received rightful attention from Eric the Brave and Laurie the True before being taken away.  Sorry for the backup story but the next part links directly to this event.  Quickly Hypo asked Kayler why the Health Counselors were paying more attention to Larry then to her "sprained" ankle.  Not knowing how to respond Kayler walked away.

Thursday aka worst day ever:
Sprained Ankle cont...: Laurie the true came to the rescue.  Stared at the ankles and proclaimed them fine.
Nose Blowing and Pee and Throw Up: Spiritual settings almost always increase the need to blow your nose and pee.  Hypo bothered Kayler twice during morningside to go blow her nose.  And twice during YW Activity to go pee and throw up.  Kayler said no the first time which was quickly proceeded by crying for forty five minutes.  Kayler finally gave in.  About ready to pop her head off Kayler had to excuse herself so children would not be hurt. 
Walking Home:  The 1/2 mile walk home after testimony produced the biggest list of ailments ever....the sprained ankle returned along with the need to throw up.  plus her nose hurt....sigh.  Kayler told her to wait till they had crossed this bridge.

Friday:
Refusal:  Finally giving up Hypo laid in the bed saying she was too sick to move.  Kayler called the "man with the pills" (Eric).  He told her to tell Hypo that she would have to stay in bed if he came and saw her.  After hearing that Hypo became the healthiest person at EFY. 

And that my friends and foes is the story of Hypo and Kayler.  We will see if they live happily ever after...who knows what ailments may occur!

THE END