If You Were Gay, That Would Be Okay!

If You Were Gay, That Would Be Okay!

In fact, I would prefer it.

 

 

 

So I love Kayla. She loves me. I think she's absolutely amazing. The feeling is mutual. And I think that it is so wonderful because let's be honest:

How many people in your life can you spend 24 hours a day with for 2 years and not start hating them? Just a little?

Because that is basically what me and Kayla did.
Which brings me to my next point: Why can't we be gay? Wouldn't that make life so much easier? I say yes. Unfortunately neither me nor Kayla can make ourselves be gay. What can I say? We were born this way baby. So we tend to burden each other with problems, as friends do. And here are some lessons that we have taught each other.

This was the last time we saw each other. if we had actually run away together or something, this would have been gold.

1. If you're feeling blue
a mustachio'd skype date will do!

2. When you're mad at a boy, it's always a good idea to pad his car

3. If you get caught padding said car, mugshots can be really great souvenirs. A picture says a thousand words!

4. Having a blowdryer fight is fun. And if you don't have time to fix it before you leave the house, well my friend, you have yourself a GREAT conversation starter.

5. Does the world kind of suck?

Watch a Disney movie!

This is a somewhat normal reaction to movie watching, I would say.

6. Stalking each other on facebook isn't creepy. It's called love. Duh. Any serial killer could tell you that. 

7. There is nothing wrong with hiding out in your room, building a fort, watching Jersey Shore and telling everyone else that you're studying.

8. Walmart is an excellent source of entertainment.

9. It's essential to have someone who you can tell anything and everything too. Who will always have your back and say helpful things like "boys suck", "she's just jealous", and "let's eat some ice cream"

10. And if that doesn't work, a hug is always nice

11. And if THAT doesn't work, just think of the absolute, most stupid thing you could do and GO DO IT! and more importantly, TAKE PICTURES! so that everyone else can see it. you'd be surprised how much better you can make people feel about their lives simply by showing them how stupid your life is. I mean, isn't that why we watch Jersey Shore?

This is a prime example of such an activity. We became burger queens. Hot.

Karazy for Kate

I don't care that we post about how much we miss each other all time.  I have a hole guys...and it must be filled. It can only be filled by the infamous Kate.  I love Kate Franklin she is my best friend so I must constantly pay tribute to our friendship.  It is based on  love.  Watch this video and perhaps you may get a glance into the complex and intricate friendship of Kate n Kayla.
Warning: Tears may Occur....have some tissues at hand.

As school begins this song hits home....I am on my way home without my Kate.  How will I survive....I have no idea.  I might have to fill the hole of loneliness with an increased amount of Dr. Pepper and Taco Bell bean burritos.  I know this seems dramatic.....but think of your best friend as you watch the above video once again......I've listened to it four times now in the past ten minutes.....

A Diamond in the Morgue

Stop her!! She's eating her ancestors!

Yesterday I was visiting my favorite people in the world, the Carrolls. They are, truly, the most wonderful people on the whole planet. There's no need for a competition. They are the clear winners. And they taught me something new:

You can now have your dead body turned into a diamond.
http://www.lifegem.com/ (Proof)

Yes. You can have your ashes squished until BAM your hair, bones, old lady arms, cankles and all are turned into a diamond! I'm sure there's a more scientific way of putting it but...how scary is that? Imagine:

There you are, being all beautiful and wonderful and virginesque and what-not and your boyfriend gets down on one knee, proposes and gives you a beautiful ring and says

"This was my mother."
"Oh! This was your mother's?!"
"No. This diamond was my mother. We smashed her corpse and turned her into this diamond. And now you get to wear it forever and ever!"
"Gee Anderson (that's right. I'm marrying Anderson Cooper. Get over it.) I've always dreamed  of wearing your mother in the shower, when I'm sleeping and during our honeymoon. How ever did you know?!"

Ewwww.

Anderson's face when I explain why I don't want to wear his mother. Somehow the awkward confrontation has a very sexy result

And then, of course, came the inevitable conversation of what my mom, and Shonnie (her best friend and college roommate) wanted their funerals to be like. Judging by their elaborate plans, we are going to have to turn them both into diamonds and sell them just so we can afford the parties. Which is a shame because wouldn't it just be lovely to have a diamond bracelet made of all the people you love?

I now call them "My Little Diamonds". They don't appreciate it.

You could pass it down the family line and compare. Perhaps some diamonds will be bigger than others? Maybe some will be more sparkly, or tinted with pink or filled with traces of cocaine. I don't know. I'm not an expert on these things.

<3 Kate

Once Upon a Time.......

This Kayla not Kate....sadly.  Kate is fantastic at blogging I have no idea where her inspiration comes from, sometimes I hope it's me...hem hem.  Anyways I have come to tell you all a fantastic story filled with terror, tears, and tremendous exertion. 

Once upon a time there was an EFY counselor named let's say Kayler.  She loved her job greatly.  On June 27th a whirl of pain hit her.  However, this pain was not her own.  It belonged to a wonderful girl named a name that I will not write.  It is that sacred in the health history of EFY.  Not knowing that she was entering a never ending cycle of this pain Kayler willingly accommodated the ills and wills of this hypochondriac child.  The knights of this story were the helpful health counselors.  They are named Laurie the True and Eric the Brave aka "the man with the pills".  Here is a list of the ailments starting day one along with a small description.

Monday:

Migraine-understandable the first day always gives Kayler a migraine as well
Allergies-also understandable considering Kayler could relate with her own deathly allergies

You probably think I'm crazy right now...allergies and a migraine how bad could that be.....oh my friends the story continues.

Tuesday:

Cold-Apparently the allergies have progressed to cold which quickly progresses too......
Strep Throat-which kills according to a very reliable source so if you have allergies you most likely will develop a cold which then turns into a deathly case of strep.
Paper Cut- this quote "gruesome" malady occurred during banner prep.  Also the bleeding will not stop especially when you squeeze the finger to make sure blood will drip. 
P.S.-don't tell so called child they will have to cut off their finger they will believe you

P.P.S.-I was quite disturbed by how many people post pictures of their paper cuts on the internet.  This was very easy to find....

Wednesday:
Appendicitus: this occurred because another child had developed symptoms for this and was taken to the hospital.  Hearing this bad news Kayler's child automatically assumed she had concocted these symptoms as well.  She begged the knights in shining armor to take her to the hospital.  Luckily, they said no.
Sprained Ankle: Games Night requires a lot of physical exertion.  Kayler not knowing a different child had a heart problem watched in horror as one of her kiddies was taken away to Primaries.  Hypochondriac child watched as Larry (name has been changed) received rightful attention from Eric the Brave and Laurie the True before being taken away.  Sorry for the backup story but the next part links directly to this event.  Quickly Hypo asked Kayler why the Health Counselors were paying more attention to Larry then to her "sprained" ankle.  Not knowing how to respond Kayler walked away.

Thursday aka worst day ever:
Sprained Ankle cont...: Laurie the true came to the rescue.  Stared at the ankles and proclaimed them fine.
Nose Blowing and Pee and Throw Up: Spiritual settings almost always increase the need to blow your nose and pee.  Hypo bothered Kayler twice during morningside to go blow her nose.  And twice during YW Activity to go pee and throw up.  Kayler said no the first time which was quickly proceeded by crying for forty five minutes.  Kayler finally gave in.  About ready to pop her head off Kayler had to excuse herself so children would not be hurt. 
Walking Home:  The 1/2 mile walk home after testimony produced the biggest list of ailments ever....the sprained ankle returned along with the need to throw up.  plus her nose hurt....sigh.  Kayler told her to wait till they had crossed this bridge.

Friday:
Refusal:  Finally giving up Hypo laid in the bed saying she was too sick to move.  Kayler called the "man with the pills" (Eric).  He told her to tell Hypo that she would have to stay in bed if he came and saw her.  After hearing that Hypo became the healthiest person at EFY. 

And that my friends and foes is the story of Hypo and Kayler.  We will see if they live happily ever after...who knows what ailments may occur!

THE END

My Heart Will Go On....maaaaybe

   
      Kayla and I have been apart for...I don't know. A long time. I don't want to count the days because I havn't taken math since my sophomore year of high school and I'm always afraid that if I try to count too high I will realize that I have forgotten what order the numbers go in. I'd rather live in bliss and pretend that I am a genius.
   So it's been a while and it's kind of cool because every time we talk to each other we have SO MUCH to say. When we lived together we just said stuff like...how was your day? want to go to walmart? I hate boys. Let's get tacos. 

   Yup. Life in Logan was pretty exciting. But NOW Kayla is a counselor at a summer camp, where I'm sure she is so boss. I imagine that everyone is in love with her and people come back after the weekend with haircuts creepily similar to hers. That's what happens when you're as awesome as my KayKay. People love you. If you're wondering what it feels like to be so far away, it's much like this:

  
         I've been getting ready for my trip to England and I tell this to anyone who will listen. And in my opinion, I have every right to because if you're standing within earshot of me, it's probably by choice and you can run away any time you want to. Just know that I run 5-8 miles a day and if I really want to talk to you, I will.
        A lot of people don't like the England thing because I'm not going to be speaking a foreign language and they feel like it takes the adventure out of the trip. But it pretty much IS a foreign language! I know this because I have a British friend and when he talks I rarely understand what he's saying. But it sure does sound nice. And won't it be fun to live somewhere where I get along with everyone, regardless of what they're saying? I think yes. For example, my favorite word is Trollop. Doesn't that sound wonderful? Like a delicious candy, or the name of a pony, or maybe something that you do in the park on a Sunday afternoon. But it actually means "a woman of loose morals". So, who knows? maybe someone is doing a trollop in the park.

Here is an excellent example of what I think trolloping should look like:

 Mmmmmm trollops.....

Bieber Fever

N'Sync, Backstreet Boys, Jesse McCartney, even Zac Effron.  These were the men I fell in love with as I grew up.  They were abtastic, breathtaking, and could sing to boot.  I mean look at this.....

Oh yes this is what I call a man.  So what is wrong with today's generation?  They picked a scrawny sixteen year old for their idol.  Justin Bieber.  Now I admit he can sing, but how is he hot?  I don't understand....it confuddles me.  I work with elementary school kids, and they love him.  They think he is the stars, moon, and sky.  Why?  I don't know why....

Crazy right?  Kate and I saw this last night on T.V. and I thought it was hilarious.  He is such a creeper.  "I'm going to sniff your neck because you smell like me!" Ummmm k that's cool, but why would I want to smell like a man?  Why didn't he make a cologne, girls would still buy it because they would think it smells like him.  They would spray it on their Justin Bieber pillows and smell his face as they drifted off to Bieberlicious dreams.  Wow...I mean wow....I have no words right now.  The world has gone crazy!  If you would like to know if you have gone crazy watch this video.

Bloom Bloom Bloom. I want you in my...garden

This is Kate. Not Kayla. I am nowhere near Kayla. She is far, far, far away. So far that if I had a walkie talkie and I tried talking to her on it, I wouldn't be able to. Even if it was one of those really good walkie talkies. Even if I stood on the highest hill and held the antenna up as far as my arm can reach. Which would put that walkie talkie at a whopping 6 feet off the ground.


But fear not! I have a plan to keep me and Kayla together forever. See that picture at the top? That is my plan. Next time I see Kayla I will PERMANENTLY ATTACH HER TO ME! You may say "Kate, that's silly, Kayla can just undo the braid", but there's no WAY that's happening! B/c I'm gonna do it behind her back so she won't even know what's happening. duuuh. She'll just think that it's magic. The same kind of magic that makes all her money disappear...

So this is what I've been doing:

Yeeeeah. I like my life. But almost as importantly,

THIS is what I've been doing! :

It's actually very fun and I've been doing it at my grandma's house, so I feel semi-helpful. And if this picture impresses you, then thank you and you may stop reading.
Otherwise, this isn't my garden, BUT mine hasn't actually started...growing yet. But it will! I just know it. And I have BIG plans for it when it does.

First, I will win Kayla back! She will come to my garden b/c I will have a garden tea party! Kayla loves tea parties. As long as the "tea" is water and there is cheese involved. I imagine she'll look like the picture below b/c Kayla also loves Tinkerbell.

 

I also plan on growing the most amazing garden ever, I picture myself like this:

This is the troll from "The Troll in Central Park". He is incredible, undeniably attractive and happens to have a very green thumb. He has been a hero of mine for years.
Once my garden is fantastic, I assume that no one will be able to resist it, including....

Unicorns! 

The best animals ever.

And if you're not convinced, I'll have you know that I also purchased some magical seeds from a very reliable salesman and he told me that it will become an Easter Egg Tree! Old man included.

 

I will also be needing a boy to do this to me:

Preferably one with a cooler hairdo who does not wear khaki pants. At least not in the garden. That's just not practical.

So, if you would like to come to my garden party, you are welcome to it! As soon as these flowers start growing...